i think i have two assholes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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