I think my vagina is haunted
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
