we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
