buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
