i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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