he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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