I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
