Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
