neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
