I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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