Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
