We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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