Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
