That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
