Sry I called you an 8
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
