upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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