Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
