Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
