I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Come on in and take your pants off
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