I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
