she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
