He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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