Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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