I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
