just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
