I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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