I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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