none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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