i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
