Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
