You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
