Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
