Non-Jews are for practice
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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