Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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