fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
