Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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