So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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