Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
