yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
