Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
