The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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