We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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