I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
