What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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