And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
