He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
