He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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