Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
