Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
