a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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