No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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