i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
