I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
