he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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