will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
