I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
