i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
