I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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