Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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