She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
how drunk are you?
Several
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
