Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
