Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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