Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
