I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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