Just fell off a train. Bad.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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