guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
