dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
