I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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