I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
