someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
